“Quick, the wounded still has a sigh of relief, hurry up!"

The sirens of the ambulance sounded, and Camilwas stunned, his body was full of blood, which was left when Ray rescued him.

"Ra...y?"

Camilstared blankly at the blood red on his palm, which was extremely dazzling, like steel needles piercing his heart, the noise of the crowd in his ears, and the sound of ambulance sirens hovering in the air.

 "Are you a family member of the injured?"

Camil looked at the serious nurse and nodded blankly, and was dragged to the ambulance. Camil asked at a loss: "He... is he okay?"

"Oh" the nurse shook her head, sighed, and said, "The situation is not very good...The patient is facing the ground, his brain has been severely injured, plus hemorrhage, I am afraid..."

I'm afraid it won't be saved.

"..." Camil heard what she was saying, and was abnormally silent. His fingers tightened unconsciously, and the nails were embedded in the flesh little by little without feeling anymore. The blood followed. The palm prints dripped down.

Camil seemed to react after seeing Ray being sent to the emergency room. Tears that had been suppressed for a long time kept pouring out, and the flickering light cast a shadow under him.

The hospital was silent, leaving only Camil and the red light shining in front of him.

xxxx year y month 1 sunny

  When I got up from the hospital bed, I learned that one of my eyes was permanently blind, one of my legs was crippled, and more importantly, I lost part of my memory.

  But I don’t think I have lost any memories. I clearly remember that my name is Ray. I have a younger brother, Rey, a younger sister, Rey, and a cousin, Camil. My father has passed away for many years. The same is true for my mother. I just went to Aotu University. After graduation, I am planning to go to graduate school. (These are what the doctor forced me to write, why are they so troublesome.)

  Anyway, I remember everything clearly, which is very strange. My attending physician said, I can try to see if my memory can be restored by writing in a diary, so I will try it, although I don't believe it very much. (Why does that doctor always stare at me!) 

xxxx year y month 9th cloudy

  So annoying, I want to go to graduate school.

xxxx year z 19th * overcast

  Let's make do with it.

xxxx year z 30th rain

  it's wired.

xxxx year z 31

  The flowers in the flowerbed are beautiful. (Even if I have to take the train for a whole day.)

xxxx year w 7th day * sunny

  Today, Rey came to see me, and Lei Zhe also came. I am ashamed to say that Lei Zhe has already graduated from junior high school, and Rey has just stepped into the hall of senior high school and is already beckoning with the university, but I did not go to see it. After them, those things are basically only known today.

  I was a little ashamed, but I quickly returned to my original demeanor, at least I can't show it, can I?

  Before saying goodbye to me, Rey suddenly said to me: "You remember to keep your promise."

  Promise, what promise? (So, why did that Daniel come to my house to personally supervise my diary writing this time.)

I still can't figure out why they all said that I lost part of my memory, but I don't have the time to think about it now, I was discharged from the hospital.

 But the sad thing is that I have completely lost the ability to live independently. No matter how much I want to go to graduate school, it is also dragged down by my weak body, so I can't go to graduate school.

 I tried my best to protest with my cousin, saying: "I am already 20 years old, why can't I go to the postgraduate entrance examination? I have been discharged from the hospital, am I?" My cousin did not answer me, but only took out a doctor's certificate: My body has become I am sick and unable to carry out high-intensity study and exercise.

 Ah. So I became more irritable, and sometimes even if I didn't intend to do it, I was still uncontrollably angry.

 In a blink of an eye, it was the 19th of Z. Camille said he wanted to take me to see the flower garden. That was my wish before the car accident. ——That's what he said, I have no impression of it.

 It seems that I am really amnesia.

 I didn't want to go, so the only answer to Camil was the vase that was smashed by me. Why did he always take care of so many, he was just my cousin? What do you care about so much?

 He didn't answer me, he just bandaged my wound wordlessly, and then took a broom to clean the slag.

 "Lei Zhe graduated from junior high school today. You didn't attend his graduation ceremony." Camil just said to me.

 Today, Lei Zhe graduated...

 After listening to Camil keep saying whether or not to go to the flower garden, I reluctantly agreed. He pushed the wheelchair and led me to the place I "want to see the most"-the flower garden.

 Speaking of which, I am taller than Camil.

 Except for that incident, I always feel that I have forgotten something. Every time I think about it, my heart hurts like a needle stabbed. It hurts, it hurts.

 What the hell is that? But I have no way of knowing.

  He was sitting in a wheelchair and pushed forward by a person.

  He looks very handsome, but likewise, handsome face is very pale and looks very impatient. Similarly, those purple eyes are lined up very sharply, as if he was looking at mice.

  Compared with him, the person pushing him looks a bit eclipsed, but unlike his predatory and aggressive beauty, the person's facial lines are softer, and his sea-blue eyes are as deep as the water of the same altar. But the similarities between the two faces can still be seen.

  Maybe he is the brother of the person next to him, they are still moving forward, looking at the direction, maybe it is Aotu High School, maybe his brother is going to enroll?

  His eyes were still so disdainful, and his younger brother's expression was cold, and the two looked at each other speechlessly.

Dear Mr. Camil:

  Hello!

  After we received the letter from you, we were finally symptomatic-your cousin Ray's condition has not worsened, and he is even about to recover.

  As for your short temper, I think it's just because he couldn't do some things he wanted to do before the accident. I think, you can be soft and satisfy his wishes. He must have some wishes before the accident. You can see what will not affect his body. He might be happier this way.

  P.S. I am very sorry that you have come to our place for a physical examination. You are now suffering from a serious disease-that disease we hope to be able to talk about face-to-face.

  That kind of disease is not easy to cure. I hope you will be mentally prepared and stay with your cousin. Otherwise, I think he will be very sad.

                                                            xxxx year z 29

                                    Aotu Hospital: Attending Physician Daniel

Ray sat in front of the window and watched the rain keep falling.

 It's really bad, he can only stay in this room regardless of rain or shine, not that he doesn't like this room, it's just that Ray doesn't want to be restrained.

 When he was young, he ran away from home because he wanted to be free. He thought that only his cousin Camil could understand him. Now, in his opinion, Camil is a lot more rigid when he grows up. Ray missed Camil as a child.

 Ray's legs are already numb, and he stretches out his hand trying to reach the crutches by the bed, but he can't.

 No matter how hard he tried to extend his hand, he still couldn't reduce the distance from the head of the bed to where he was sitting. And Ray didn't know why he didn't choose to sit in a wheelchair this time, but instead sat in a chair.

 Now Ray regrets it a lot, why should he choose to sit in a chair? No matter how numb his legs were, he still had to sit still, so his legs became more numb.

 Camil buckled the door with his knuckles outside the door. "I'm here?" After saying that, he slowly opened the door, and he saw Ray looking at him impeccably, and Camil immediately helped Ray up. , Helped him to the bed, and Ray lay down on the bed with peace of mind.

 But when Ray realized that it was Camil who helped him, his expression became visibly stiff. Camil saw it and opened the door and left.

 Ray was even more surprised, why is he so proficient? Why does it feel that Camil has done it 11 million times? In other words, why has he become accustomed to it?

xxxy year y month 6 * overcast

  I found a group photo in the drawer of Camil's desk. The protagonist is me and him, but I have no impression of this photo.

  But my smile in the photo can't be faked. In the photo, even my cousin, Camil, who has been frosty, has a little smile on his mouth.

  I think the part of my memory loss seems too coincidental and will not affect me too much, but it is also closely related to my life. It is not a coincidence. (As boring as I am, I can only kill time by writing in a diary, why is it so boring)

xxxy year y 28th

  My heart hurts.

xxxy year z 

  I always feel that I have lost something.

xxxy year w 4th

Could it be me and him (the handwriting stopped abruptly here, leaving only traces of ink leaking)

Camil knocked on the door lightly, holding a stack of papers wrapped in kraft paper, and his peaked cap and scarf covered his facial expressions well.

 "Please come in." Daniel's voice came from inside the door. Camil opened the door and sat directly opposite Daniel.

 Daniel stopped the pen in his hand and sighed, "How is Ray's situation?" "He hasn't been very well recently, and he doesn't plan to cooperate with treatment." Camil replied without looking up, as if his mobile phone was better than Daniel's. More attractive in general.

 Daniel is also accustomed to this, his mouth curls up, but there is no smile in his eyes. He quietly replied: "If that happens, I think this will only enter a vicious circle. I hope you can try to convince him."

 Camil nodded, "Also, remember to take medicine regularly, otherwise I think you will go sightseeing in the Yincao Netherworld before him." Daniel picked up the pen again and began to review some documents.

 Then, Daniel handed Camil a box of medicine, Camil also took the opportunity to give Daniel the stack of documents, Daniel also nodded.

 Camil left the office immediately, and Daniel continued to look at the documents. The two did not interfere with each other, and there was an illusion that neither of them had been here.

 Camil returned home again, he returned to the place where although it was not without people, in a sense, there was no difference

 Ray hates being restrained, but why isn't he?

 In the eyes of the two, this room is so cold and there is no one.

 Camil went back to his room, took out a few photos from the drawer, and looked at them silently.

 Camil missed the forbidden love affair a year ago, and he still remembered the warm embrace of Ray at that time, even if it was not accepted by the world.

 Until now, Ray has lost part of his memories due to a car accident, and those good memories instantly vanished and became the past.

 He was not reconciled, why did Ray forget his feelings?

  But Camil is also powerless, he can only look at the previous photos silently now, recalling the time he was nostalgic for.

 What's more, maybe Ray will marry a wife and have children in the future, forget about his cousin, and forget about his former lover.

 The young boy's dazzling smile in the photo looked a little garish at this time, Camille put aside his face, put the photo back, and put his hand on his face.

I'm a little surprised-why didn't Camil come to wake me up today and prepare breakfast for me, where is he?

 I assisted myself in walking to the door of his room with a cane and swallowed. I didn't know how to face him for a while.

 Whether it was the sudden rebellion in the past or the inexplicable restlessness in the past, these make me wonder how to speak, can it be said that I feel regret for my previous behavior?

 The pride in my bones does not allow me to do this

 I still leaned on a cane and gently opened the door, planning to see Camil.

 Camil was lying on the bed with thick eyelashes like a fan, scratching my heart, soft black hair drooping obediently on his shoulders.

 It's been a long time since I saw Camil up close, but a familiar feeling has been gathering in my heart, it's very strange.

 I couldn't help but stretched out my hand to caress Camil's face. It was too cold, it was not like the temperature that a living person should have...wait! I immediately touched Camil’s pulse subconsciously, it didn’t beat anymore...

 The heartache was like being cut by thousands of knives, and the memories flooded into my heart like a tide, familiar but unfamiliar.

 This feeling is really strange, it's like watching a movie, but that movie is about myself as the protagonist, and I feel a little panic for a while.

 I just want to cry, Camil, I love you.

 It's really sad. I didn't lose anything except one eye and one leg in that car accident, but because of it, Camil lost his lover and had to endure the ridicule from the one he loved the most.

 I even have a feeling of wanting to kill my previous self, but that has become a thing of the past, and I cannot erase its existence.

 I wiped away my tears and tried to pick up Camil with the gentlest possible motion. I'm sorry for him.

 Rey looked at me coldly. At this time, I also knew the meaning of her previous words. I can only leave my lover one last kiss.

 I want to live well.

 I burned the photos in Camil's drawer with fire. I didn't want to leave any thoughts on myself, even a single trace.

postscript.

 After finishing the funeral for Camil, Ray didn't have the idea of ​​being lighthearted. After he buried Camil, he soon started serious careers involving disabled people-he became a writer.

 Ray wrote down the past of him and Camil with the names of others in words. The protagonists in many of his works like to eat desserts and have black hair, much like Camil.

 Soon, Ray's reputation became popular. Many people felt that he was a writer with disabilities. His relationship with Camille was not cast aside by others. Instead, many reporters often asked: "Do you still love him?" "Ray will answer right now, I still love him.

 A newcomer writer found Ray because he admired Ray, and chatted with him for a while. At the end, the newcomer exclaimed, "Then you must love him very much."

 The famous writer just pulled out a smile and said a few words as if talking to herself. There were a few drops of crystal in the corner of her eyes. According to the newcomer, the only thing she could hear was: "So am I still qualified to love him?"